A Man or THE MAN? – not such a simple question.

Being an “older” male, it has come to my attention that in many respects men have forgotten, or never learned, what it is to be a man. My understanding and what I have always tried to adhere to, is that men and women compliment each other, in that each should support the other. Each brings to any relationship the strengths, and weaknesses, of their gender; neither should try to dominate the other; that it should always be a partnership of equals – equal but different. The physically stronger male should support and protect the female, while the female should bring to the partnership her intuition and “feminine” strengths (these are indefinable!).

I know that my late wife, Magucha, certainly did that. Her strengths lay in her astonishing insight, her emotional strength and her courage. 

Much is reported about the, unfortunately, extremely high, seemingly worldwide, incidence of domestic violence (principally committed by men against women and children); the revelations of the coercion and sexual abuses in the media industry committed by men in positions of influence and authority; the revelations, worldwide, of appalling priestly paedophilia (if ever there was one this is surely the ultimate oxymoron!!) – almost exclusively committed by male priests, pastors, rabbis and imams, against children.  

And one is left to wonder why. I suggest that this stems from two sources – power and insecurity. 

This is a “power play” by men. The average male is physically larger and stronger that the average female and of course, children. So a male, in a dominant position of influence and authority, such as a priest, has tremendous “leverage” to force those in a dependent situation, to “obey” any instruction or command. His insecurity lies in his need to dominate.

In domestic violence situations my understanding is that much of it is “caused” by jealousy. The male feels he is being “betrayed” and is the “victim” - that his partner should be blamed for any resulting violence. “She made me do it”, is a common refrain. Again, this jealousy and need to dominate, lies in insecurity.

“Boys will be boys” is not an valid response.

So – I now – as usual find that others, more fluently say what I’m trying to express, more pointedly and in far fewer words. 

This, by Atticus:-

“Boys learn too late

that being 

‘The Man’,

is not the same thing

as being

A Man.”