My new normal

A new normal - for me. What is that and how is it arrived at? Things happen in life that we are generally unprepared for, that are, as the saying goes, “out of left field”. Is this “karma”? Is this just “happenstance”?

As always it is my attitude that colours or influences my response. People have asked me if I might not find “comfort” and “meaning” by joining a church. Now, having an enquiring mind I not only have the copies but I have actually read the Bible (more than once), translations of the Koran, the Hindu Bhagavad Gita and the teachings of Buddha. I therefore deem it unnecessary to attend a church. I can read and reflect on and interpret what I read. I can relate the wonderful messages contained in these various religious books to my life and my circumstances. Maybe I’m being presumptuous and somewhat hubristic but why should I listen to a stranger telling me how to live? That person wouldn’t know me and would know nothing of my life experience. 

While I am certainly not “religious” in the accepted sense - I do have my own beliefs and they satisfy me. I do draw on the strength that I derive from my reading and my beliefs. It seems that the “core message” from these different teachings is the old and seemingly universal belief that all people need to be treated equally – treat others the way you would like to be treated; that justice for all must prevail; that one’s dealings with others must always have moral underpinnings. And that Love for all beings is the guiding principle of life – or it should be.

One of the things that I have learned over the years is that it is often pointless looking for a reason why “things” happen. Certainly there are times when it is obvious that the principle (the Law?) of “cause and effect” applies but often it seems random events just happen.

And I see no point in blaming God. As I’ve written before, there is an old saying (possibly a Spanish proverb) that goes something like this, “Take what you want from Life,” says God. “Take it and pay.” Also a simpler version is, “you reap what you sow”. Honestly, why should God care what I do? Does He really look down on me and say, “Hey buddy! You had better watch your step!” Really? 

I also believe that His most ancient concern is for “order”. Just for order. His order. No more and no less. And we disturb that order at our peril.

So there is always a balance, or in scientific terms - homeostasis – “a dynamic state of equilibrium that is the condition of optimal functioning for an organism” – it’s a “fluid” state, never static.Homeostasis is brought about by a natural resistance to change in the optimal conditions – again, it’s a constant battle to regain the status quo.

 In this case it’s me and my homeostatic point!

Now in my situation I do struggle sometimes to accept my new “normal” without someone to share my life with. But I am coming to terms with this fact of life. It has taken me over three years and I’m still feeling my way. I don’t resist it, that would be pointless, but I’m not quite there yet. I have no idea where my homeostatic point is or even if I have one; or what I have to adjust to; or what I have to prepare for. It is definitely work in progress! Fortunately I have family and friends who are always there – or at least easily contactable.

It also helps that I have always been able to write about my thoughts and feeling. Getting it all on paper, as it were, enables me to rationalise, to reflect and to arrive at some sort of “homeostasis” in my mind. This can be confronting – I might write something and think, “Where did that come from?” The mind, or at least my mind, is very strange!!

One very important thing I’ve learned is that what has befallen me in my life has made me more understanding and empathetic to the trials and tribulations of others. And I think that is a good thing.

Otherwise, I wonder why are we here? And why us?