And Now?

Anniversaries keep coming round don’t they? Yep – 42 years ago today I married Maria Augusta Bandeira de Lima – better known to all by her nickname – Magucha. Now being married to someone from a different culture and language base has its challenges. And then throw into the mix the different personalities – me, tall (1.96 metres and 97kgs) and relatively phlegmatic, and she, tiny (1.52 metres and 50kgs), very pretty with a quick fire, Portuguese (Latin) temperament and sparks would often light up the environment!

 

She loved flowers, pretty things, small things, bright colours and mirrors – there are mirrors all over the house that I have left in position, not having the heart to move them. But then she also had a kind heart, was very loving with an innate sense of justice. She also was indomitable and absolutely fearless - I never saw her afraid of anything.

 

Another strange thing, which I call to mind, is that I never saw her cry. I’m sure she did – in fact when her father died, twenty years ago, I’m certain of it, but not in my presence. In that respect she was very private.

 

Being my wife, she could criticize me and point out my many faults but if anyone else tried that within her range of hearing she would fire up, almost vibrate with anger, and defend me with all her considerable powers.  I loved her for that. 

 

You see – I truly know that, if the situation had ever arisen, I would have defended her to my last breath. I have absolutely no doubts that she would have done the same for me.

 

Finally, however, with all her health problems and the pain she suffered, the “uninvited visitor” called and she went with him to that “Undiscovered country from whose bourne no traveller returns”.

 

She was only 62 years old when she died five and a half years ago on 21 January 2016. We were together for just over 36 years - and I miss her more than I can tell.

 

As always when my emotions run high I turn to poetry to best express how I feel. I offer the following which I have used before but it still resonates with me:-

  

  My Wife

Trusty, dusky, vivid, true,
With eyes of gold and bramble-dew,
Steel-true and blade-straight,
The Great Artificer
Made my mate.

Honour, anger, valour, fire;
A love that life could never tire,
Death quench or evil stir,
The Mighty Master
Gave to her.

Teacher, tender, comrade, wife,
A fellow-farer true through life,
Heart-whole and soul-free
The August Father
Gave to me. 

             Robert Louis Stevenson

Hubris

In this day and age, when pride and excess seem to be common themes, and when extraordinary claims are made by individuals about their abilities and mental prowess, particularly by leaders – both public and business – it is well worth recalling that the ancient Greeks had a name for this – “Hubris” (defined as placing oneself on the same level as gods). And this hubris will be called to account. It always is.

Never forget that the “law” of cause and effect will always apply. Humans reap what they sow. It has always been thus. This “law” is unwritten and not codified but applies in every situation – it cannot be avoided and is forgotten or ignored only at great personal cost. This law incorporates the profoundly realistic doctrines of “Hubris” and “Nemesis”. Whenever there is any kind of over-weening and excess; whenever people or societies go too far either in dominating others or exploiting them, or exploiting nature, for their own advantage this unseemly exhibition of pride, this hubris, has to be paid for. 

Hubris seems to invite Nemesis and the “Goddess” Nemesis is implacable in the pursuit of her cause – justice; to track every wrong back to its doer. To the ancient Greeks Nemesis was conceived as shaping the demeanour of mankind; of keeping society in equipoise. She was often portrayed holding scales, a sword and a scourge. Nemesis deals retribution in due proportion to what is deserved – in a just balance.

Where governments, and the laws they promulgate are not founded on the ultimate reality behind all phenomena, described in that fascinating compilation of ancient wisdom “Tao Te Ching”, as the Tao (Dao) - the Way (the Flow of the Universe) – society will falter. 

For clearer understanding of this statement it may help to recall what Confucius had to say about justice and laws some twenty-five centuries ago: 

 “If you govern the people by laws, and keep them in order by penalties, they will avoid the penalties, yet lose their sense of shame. But if you govern them by your moral excellence, and keep them in order by your dutiful conduct, they will retain their sense of shame, and also live up to this standard.” 

In light of the astounding lack of moral leadership (and the subsequent loss of trust) shown by many of today’s leaders (both government and business) which reflects back on society and world events, I truly believe that it is time for everyone to stop, even take a step back and look, I mean really examine, their actions and see whether they make any sense.

The old saying applies to all – “pride comes before a fall” and no one can foretell what the effects of this “fall” will be or when it will take place.

Nemesis in her deliberations misses not one of all. 

Another way of putting this is in the old saying, “the mills of God grind slow but exceeding fine”.

My new normal

A new normal - for me. What is that and how is it arrived at? Things happen in life that we are generally unprepared for, that are, as the saying goes, “out of left field”. Is this “karma”? Is this just “happenstance”?

As always it is my attitude that colours or influences my response. People have asked me if I might not find “comfort” and “meaning” by joining a church. Now, having an enquiring mind I not only have the copies but I have actually read the Bible (more than once), translations of the Koran, the Hindu Bhagavad Gita and the teachings of Buddha. I therefore deem it unnecessary to attend a church. I can read and reflect on and interpret what I read. I can relate the wonderful messages contained in these various religious books to my life and my circumstances. Maybe I’m being presumptuous and somewhat hubristic but why should I listen to a stranger telling me how to live? That person wouldn’t know me and would know nothing of my life experience. 

While I am certainly not “religious” in the accepted sense - I do have my own beliefs and they satisfy me. I do draw on the strength that I derive from my reading and my beliefs. It seems that the “core message” from these different teachings is the old and seemingly universal belief that all people need to be treated equally – treat others the way you would like to be treated; that justice for all must prevail; that one’s dealings with others must always have moral underpinnings. And that Love for all beings is the guiding principle of life – or it should be.

One of the things that I have learned over the years is that it is often pointless looking for a reason why “things” happen. Certainly there are times when it is obvious that the principle (the Law?) of “cause and effect” applies but often it seems random events just happen.

And I see no point in blaming God. As I’ve written before, there is an old saying (possibly a Spanish proverb) that goes something like this, “Take what you want from Life,” says God. “Take it and pay.” Also a simpler version is, “you reap what you sow”. Honestly, why should God care what I do? Does He really look down on me and say, “Hey buddy! You had better watch your step!” Really? 

I also believe that His most ancient concern is for “order”. Just for order. His order. No more and no less. And we disturb that order at our peril.

So there is always a balance, or in scientific terms - homeostasis – “a dynamic state of equilibrium that is the condition of optimal functioning for an organism” – it’s a “fluid” state, never static.Homeostasis is brought about by a natural resistance to change in the optimal conditions – again, it’s a constant battle to regain the status quo.

 In this case it’s me and my homeostatic point!

Now in my situation I do struggle sometimes to accept my new “normal” without someone to share my life with. But I am coming to terms with this fact of life. It has taken me over three years and I’m still feeling my way. I don’t resist it, that would be pointless, but I’m not quite there yet. I have no idea where my homeostatic point is or even if I have one; or what I have to adjust to; or what I have to prepare for. It is definitely work in progress! Fortunately I have family and friends who are always there – or at least easily contactable.

It also helps that I have always been able to write about my thoughts and feeling. Getting it all on paper, as it were, enables me to rationalise, to reflect and to arrive at some sort of “homeostasis” in my mind. This can be confronting – I might write something and think, “Where did that come from?” The mind, or at least my mind, is very strange!!

One very important thing I’ve learned is that what has befallen me in my life has made me more understanding and empathetic to the trials and tribulations of others. And I think that is a good thing.

Otherwise, I wonder why are we here? And why us?

Respect

All of us would like to be respected and need to be respected. To be respected as a human being; to be acknowledged for what we are. Respect has to be earned, but first of all we must respect ourselves, if we don’t how can we expect others to show us respect? Someone in a high position may be entitled to respect – the Office of President of the US, for example, certainly deserves respect, but has the incumbent earned it? A company CEO may be entitled to respect, the position indicates that this should be so, but is this so, has he (or she) earned it?

So how does one earn respect? In fact what is respect? Respect is the deference, honour or esteem felt or shown towards a person. It is a quality that is difficult to define because of its subtlety. We all have different ideas about this and may respect someone that others do not. All animals defer to the dominant, or Alpha male in a herd, troop or group of animals or flight of birds. This is a natural and useful attribute to maintain the strength of the gene pool and for the general safety of the group. The Alpha male has the attributes which the others accept as the ‘best', in that it may be the biggest, strongest, fastest or it display some other factor which gives it the ability to rise to the top of the ‘pecking order’. 

Human beings are much more complicated than this. Many in positions of influence or power – dictators in their own way - are feared and force their followers or subjects to ‘show respect’ by abasing themselves when in their presence. All dictators demand this subservience and abasement, i.e. Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin and many others, some even in the corporate field. To be truly respected, however, a human being needs to have many attributes, some of them very subtle. This ‘respected’ person must have human qualities of the highest order. These qualities are ones we have all met before – the qualities of Honesty, Justice, Courage, Temperance, Compassion, Kindness, Humility and Love for one’s fellow beings - in other words all the old fashioned virtues! Someone who has these qualities is trusted to keep their word; can be relied on to do the job to the best of their ability; can be called on for help in a dire situation. Anyone who has these qualities to a high degree is revered – think Nelson Mandela, Mother Theresa and those with long memories may remember Dr. Albert Schweitzer. 

These qualities are the essence of good relationships with all Life’s forms; they are the essence of ethics, of virtue and of morality. People with these qualities lift the human spirit; by their actions they lead us to greater understanding of what it is to be Human; that Humanity has a grandeur and a nobility that in our wiser moments we may come to acknowledge; that we are all capable of greatness in our own way, given our circumstances; that we must respect ourselves for what we truly are; that we all are better than we believe or think ourselves to be.

This is respect. This is what all people honour. This is what we all hope to aspire to.

Revenge and Injustice

NOTE: This post has jumped 6 years - it was originally posted May 14, 2011 hence the comments about bin Laden etc. Very old news. Not sure how or why this came to be "re-dated"!! 

No matter which way you look at it revenge is not a form of justice. Revenge is always personal – normally to seek retribution for some imagined wrong or perceived damage to someone’s ego (“loss of face”). Justice, to be true justice must be provided according to the law and be seen to be done – in other words justice must be a public affair. All trials and judgements must be made in public. No secret trials, no ‘kangaroo courts’, no ‘renditions’ to secret locations, no private ‘extra-judicial’ killings or assassinations.

Take the recent Osama bin Laden event in Pakistan. Whatever his crimes (and they were many), as a human being, he rightfully deserved his day in court. No matter the feelings of anger, hatred or fear and loathing engendered by his name and activities, he was entitled to a fair trial. To believe otherwise is to sink to his level, to a level of barbarism that does not sit well with any professed civilised society.

The law is based on trust and ethics. The great Confucius said some 2500 years ago, “What you do not wish for yourself, do not do to others” - (the Bible says this and the Koran also expresses this guiding principle). This common sense principle is the foundation of all laws, of ethics, of compassion and of the general process of living. This is where the trust element resides – in the sure knowledge that you will be treated the same way that you would treat others. Any country that professes to abide by the law but, when convenient, flouts this principle loses all moral authority - read the USA, Sweden, Israel, China, Iran, Australia (and unfortunately many others).

When trust falters and people are unsure about how they will be treated, problems arise. Citizens will either live in fear, or will flout the law with a ‘damned if I do, damned if I don’t’ attitude. Neither bodes well for peace and prosperity in any country.

No matter how much "spin" the Americans use to dress up the killing of bin Laden; no matter how much the Swedes approve their closed trials for sexual crimes; no matter what the Chinese say about their secret trials, imprisonment and execution of people for spurious violations of their laws; no matter what the Israeli’s call their killing of Palestinians; no matter how the USA describes their treatment of prisoners in Abu Graib and Guantanamo Bay; no matter how Australian police justify their treatment of the original inhabitants of Australia, such activities cannot be justified and are wrong – plain and simply wrong.

Think of it like this – if the positions were reversed, the people imposing these penalties would not like to be treated this way, would they? Remember that violence - in any form - is the last resort of the morally bankrupt.

Love

This word – love – is used nowadays somewhat indiscriminately to express general pleasure (I “loved” the movie); to express a desire (I’d “love” a cup of coffee); to also indicate sexual pleasure (they made “love”); to indicate a favourite (I  just “love” that painting) and there are many other associations with the word “love” that are in my Thesaurus.

Possibly we lack the vocabulary to express exactly what we mean.

To me, however, the word means a great deal more than a quick throw away expression. To me the word “love” has a deeper meaning that encompasses companionship, trust, empathy, compassion, kindness, understanding, justice, mutual respect and an instinctive “knowledge” that humanity is part of something that is, possibly, beyond our powers of understanding. Something wonderful.

We are, and all living things, are linked, and no matter anyone’s religious ideology or beliefs, we are all linked in many unexpected ways. As an example we humans share half our genes with the banana. And of course it is well known that we share about 98% of our genes with chimpanzees.

Now I am not asking anyone to “love” a chimpanzee but in a deeper more Platonic way we should love all things. This was wonderfully, if poetically, expressed in Samuel Taylor Coleridge’s poem, “Rime of the Ancient Mariner”, wherein he wrote the famous lines:

            “He prayeth well, who loveth well

            Both man and bird and beast.

            He prayeth best, who loveth best

            All things both great and small;

            For the dear God who loveth us,

            He made and loveth all.”

To me this is what the word Love means – something that is both personal and yet all encompassing. It was my privilege and my joy to have loved a woman and to have been loved by her for over thirty-six years. This will be with me always.

23/08/2016. I'm adding a short piece by the American - Max Ehrmann. A piece called "Love some one", which is very appropriate:-

"Love some one - in God's name love some one - for this is the bread of the inner life, without which a part of you will starve and die; and though you feel you must be stern, even hard, in your life of affairs, make for yourself at least a little corner, somewhere in the great world, where you may unbosom and be kind."

Why do we hate and destroy?

It is a human defence mechanism to hide from or avoid certain things and events. All of us use diversionary tactics that we have developed to distract us from emotional pain and anguish.

All of us human beings have the capacity to hate - it is part of the human condition and is a function of pride. We can hold ourselves together when we feel completely powerless and helpless, only by hating the people we believe to be responsible for our desperate state. In this way many of those people, dispossessed and powerless, for instance, in major cities, come to hate the police or those living in parts of the Middle East have come to hate the USA and Israel. Similarly some children have come to hate their parents. The first kind of hatred, (by the dispossessed in cities and those in the Middle East) however, may be expressed by forming gangs or groups, attacking those they hate, and feeling virtuous for so doing.

An immediate way of solving this problem, not by mastering internally, but by running away from it, is to flee into activities outside ourselves in the external world. However when we do this we prevent ourselves from developing the safeguards human being have acquired as a guard against their own destructiveness, a knowledge and acceptance of ourselves and the impetus to develop effective methods of managing our hate and destructiveness.

Without these safeguards we destroy those things which we perceive as unconnected with us and as not being human like ourselves. Thus we chop down trees, blow up mountains, pollute the seas and the atmosphere, eradicate whole species of animals, birds, fish because we do not understand that we are connected to everything on our planet, and therefore need to be careful about what and how much we destroy. They may walk and talk and live just like us, but if we do not perceive them as human like us we can bomb and maim them, exploit them, starve them and inflict hurt upon them without feeling shame or guilt. We can perceive other people as being human like us only when we can make that special leap of imagination which takes us from our own internal world into theirs.

We are all born with a capacity to hate and to destroy. We are also born with the capacity to know our internal world and to empathize with others. A child brought up to live and let live and to accept, develops all these capacities and can balance one against the other. Empathy balances the hate and keeps the destructiveness in check. We can feel immense hatred for another person and we can desire to harm him, but at the same time, instinctively, we know how it would feel to be the victim of that hatred and harm.

However the less we value and accept ourselves, the more powerless and helpless we feel, and the less we value and accept ourselves, the more likely we are to use hatred as a defence. If we do not understand that we are using hatred as a defence, and if we see such hatred as justified and virtuous, our hatred becomes boundless and such a part of us that we cannot relinquish it, no matter what peaceful compromises our enemies may offer us. Hence the continuing hatred between some Protestants and Catholics in Northern Ireland, between some Israelis and Palestinians and between some Muslims (Shia vs Sunni) and recently between some Christians and some Muslims – it becomes a matter of them and us; always with us being better and superior in every way. (From “Beyond Fear” by Dorothy Rowe)

Never forget that poverty and riches – however these are defined - are products of our thoughts.

We have to rise above our baser feelings, avoid our fear of change and avoid using diversionary tactics to escape our internal turmoil.

I will end this post with a quote from a speech by Frederick Douglass (an African American former slave, social reformer, orator and statesman) on the 24^th anniversary of emancipation, Washington, DC, 1886, which has great relevance today:- “Where justice is denied, where poverty is enforced, where ignorance prevails and where any one class is made to feel that society is in an organized conspiracy to oppress, rob and degrade them, neither persons nor property will be safe.” (From “Spirit Level” by Wilkinson and Pickett).

The Catholic Church and confessions.

In light of the Royal Commission into child abuse – set up by the Australian Government – it is important for the Catholic Church to accept that the world has moved on. The Catholic Church no longer has the influence it exerted in the middle-ages and the confessional is not what it once was.

The World is now, for better or worse, largely a secular world; a world in which spirituality is waning.

The confessional should be a place, a time, when a person admits to God before a witness that they have “sinned”. This may be satisfactory for them as they will have made their peace with God. But this can never be the end of the story. The “sinner” now has to make their peace with society. And society demands justice; society demands justice that is not only done but seen to be done. This means the courts of law to establish the extent of the “sin” (crime) and the determination of the type and extent of the punishment; this means a punishment according to the law as determined by the society in which the “sin” was committed; this means doing “time” or paying a penalty of some kind.

This is Justice.

Now, to have a clergyman, however exalted, say that a confession is inviolable and above the law of the land is plain wrong. It may be sacred (according to the Catholic Church) in the “eyes of God” but people, both perpetrators and victims live in the world; people suffer and will seek redress of some kind. For the Catholic clergy to hide behind the “sanctity” of the confessional and therefore ignore the plight of the victim(s) will not work today.

This is not justice.

If a clergyman – or any person for that matter – is guilty of child abuse of any kind they need to be tried in the courts – they need to pay the penalty.   

This is justice.

Sharia Law in Australia

I know very little about the finer points of sharia law. I am certain about one thing however and that is, like oil and water, Religion and the Law don’t mix. Sharia Law is not codified, in fact, as I understand it Muslim clergy are the ones who interpret Sharia Law from their understanding of the Koran.

The Australian Federation of Islamic Councils wants a parallel system of Law in Australia whereby Muslims can marry, divorce and conduct business under Sharia Law. Why? Is Sharia Law better? Does it provide a “better” form of justice? Don’t they like “our” system of law? I mean we don’t stone women to death for adultery, do we? We don’t condone gang rape girls for the social “crime” of being seen with a non-Christian, do we? I would remind Muslims that “our” law is based on Christian principles (Love thy neighbour as thyself) and dates back to Roman times, which predates Sharia Law by some 600 years.

To submit to such requests is to, eventually, have a country – Australia –governed by Sharia Law, like Iran. God (or Allah) forbid!!!

Let me ask a question of the Muslims. If the situation was reversed and a whole boatload of Christians ended up in a Muslim country and demanded that they be allowed to marry, divorce and carry business under “Western” non-Sharia based law, would they be allowed to?

Stupid question!!

My freedom stops where yours begins

I wonder if you have ever thought about the true importance of the rather glib saying, “Your freedom stops where mine begins?” It is so simple yet it is actually quite profound and has equally profound implications.

It is at the same time rather vague and yet very definite. To me, this statement has relationships at the core of its meaning. By relationships I am never just referring to intimate relationships but to the broader meaning – our relationship with the world around us; how we deal with our fellow beings.

We all understand this statement and its implications and in our own way we follow it. While I am no lawyer, it seems that this statement is the basis of all laws; it is at the core of our understanding of ‘justice’ – what applies to me must of necessity also apply to you. It is at the core of our understanding of the term ‘criminal’ – someone who by their actions has, by deception or other means, wrongfully deprived me of something which belonged to me, which is rightfully mine or for which I had had a duty of care to protect (this, of course also includes the ‘worst’ crime of all, murder - depriving another of their life). It is at the core of the word ‘cruelty’ – wilfully causing pain and suffering to another being.

I cannot think of anything else because ‘justice’, ‘criminal’ and ‘cruelty’ covers just about everything. The Laws we enact are supposed to help the practitioners of the Law to draw the line at the point where my ‘freedom’ (to do what I like) stops and your ‘freedom’ (to do what you like) begins. This is not always an easy task, hence the plethora of laws, rules regulations and other constraints placed on our ‘freedom’ to live our lives as we see fit.

To understand the statement it may help to recall what Confucius had to say about justice and laws some twenty-seven centuries ago:

“If you govern the people by laws, and keep them in order by penalties, they will avoid the penalties, yet lose their sense of shame. But if you govern them by your moral excellence, and keep them in order by your dutiful conduct, they will retain their sense of shame, and also live up to this standard.”

So should this standard of ‘moral excellence’ come from the top down – from those who govern us, or from the bottom up – we tell those who govern us what to do? Or should we all do the ‘right’ thing?

Interesting.

The truth - always the truth

I am amending this old post as I have had another look in Pascal’s “Pensees” and I cannot find the reference. What I can find is that Leo Tolstoy quotes the saying as by Pascal, buts that’s as far as it goes. 

The sentiments expressed, I will admit, sounds like something Pascal would write – very pithy and very apt. So I have kept it.

How about this for as true an observation as you will ever read:

Blaise Pascal (1623-1662) in his ‘Pensees’, it is here assumed that he wrote:-

 “There is no greater unhappiness than when a person starts to fear the truth lest it denounce him.”

I wonder if any politician; any businessmen; any cheating husband or cheating wife; any schoolyard or office bully is prepared to stand up and be counted?

And likewise how about this one – again quoted by Tolstoy.  And again, something that Pascal would write I believe:-

‘Wrong does not cease to be wrong because the majority share in it.’

Tolstoy also wrote, in about 1880, that:-

"Men of our times believe that none of the absurdity and cruelty of our lives, with the ridiculous wealth of a few and the embittered poverty of the majority, and the arms and wars, is seen by anyone and that nothing prevents them from continuing such a life."

You see, Justice and Ethics have been a passion of mine for as long as I can remember. And I will fight injustice when and wherever I see it.