Why dance to someone else's tune?

This is an interesting question which needs an answer particularly when considering the increasing influence of social media. As my one loyal reader has asked for my comments on this question I thought it would be a good idea to explore the subject.

Just spend a moment to think about it. Life is a process but we are pushed and pulled, manipulated and categorized by all organizations, both commercial and governmental, and by some individuals who want us human individuals to behave in a certain regular, rational, manner such that this behaviour may be more easily statistically analysed or somehow meet with their approval.

The problem is that we humans are neither always regular in our activities nor are we always rational in our behaviour. We are not clones. The reliance on statistics to analyse behaviour reduces individuals to a collective; to a deviation from the mean; to a statistical probability. But I am not a statistical probability. I am me; unique. My thumb print tells me so, as does the pattern of my iris. Similarly the way I walk; my mannerisms; my height; the span of my fingers; the shape of my toenails – are all unique to me as are my thoughts and my life experience that shapes my behaviour.

As the American scientist Lewis Thomas said, “The social scientists have a long way to go to catch up, but they may be up to the most important scientific business of all, if and when they finally get to the right questions. Our behaviour towards each other is the strangest, most unpredictable, and almost entirely unaccountable of the phenomena with which we are obliged to live.”

Marketers and advertisers obviously do what they can to gather information about our “habits” to try and improve “market penetration” because it pays. We are subjected to hours of advertising on TV and on radio; magazines and the media generally are saturated with advertising exhorting us to buy this or that product because we “deserve it”. We are “channelled” into the aisles in supermarkets; our purchases are tracked by loyalty cards; we are asked to complete surveys and given the prospect of a “reward”; our personal details are “shopped” to any organization that may want to pay for them.

However, there is nothing in life that is certain except for the fact that if this is being read a birth took place. If a birth took place, a person was born, and the fact that a person was born means that someday there will be a death (and the payment of taxes in the by-going!). We may be unwilling to dwell on this but it is true. Apart from those two facts nothing is certain. Not the economy; not relationships; not possessions; not one’s job. Nothing!

This overall uncertainty seems to inspire us all to strive for some certainty in life that leads many to seek some assurance, for something to ‘hang our hat on’. Hence the desire for plans, budgets, for exactitude in anything and everything. But a process (which is what life is) can never have certain results. In a process there are variables and reliance on anything or anyone (even oneself) is a gamble – sometime it comes off, sometimes it doesn’t.

To get round the problem of life’s inability to provide any certainty many of us give up and simply conform to society’s ‘norms’. We ignore, or most likely forget, that life is, actually, a process. This presents a paradox. To conform means to follow others. But to do what others do or want us to do, means losing our identity. By conforming to what others consider normal behaviour we gives up a great deal, and risk becoming a dumbed down version of who we really are. It means approval by others to be part of the ‘team’. It means being led by others; to do what the majority do; to think the way the majority think, whether or not this is a comfortable situation. We adjust our behaviour to meet the accepted “norms” or expectations of society, the community, a group, or some other person.

Is this really a natural choice? We are each an individual, with our own hopes and aspirations and, to be quite frank doing what others suggest or direct, is not going to help anyone develop as a human being or to lead a fulfilling life. Trying to do so is stressful. It may be ok for a while, but deep down there will always be that question, ‘what if ...?’

The answer is in establishing our individual values; that set of core beliefs that form our character and cannot be transgressed without long term angst and discomfort. This not always easily done, because of the desire, or requirement to conform. To stand out from the crowd takes courage and possible vilification; certainly some hard words will be said and heard. It is, however, absolutely necessary for our long term mental harmony.

Very few of the judgements we make on a daily basis, about what is “right” or “wrong” are made by us, based on our true understanding of the situation as presented. It often seems that the more important the decision, the less likely we are to use our own thoughts and ideas, based on our own experiences. In most cases we have chosen to accept someone else’s decisions. Someone who came before and who, presumably, must know better. Otherwise why accept their decision?

Everything we do is as a result of a thought; this is fundamental to the process that is called life, which is dynamic. To move (mentally) is to grow. To stay still is to stagnate, to risk the death of ideas, thought processes and initiative. Living in the past was never possible. The present moment, now, is the only time that Life is actually present. The past is but a memory and the future still a dream. Thus the process of life can only take place with full recognition of what is happening at this precise moment. Here, now.  

When all is said and done we are all Human Beings not just Human Doers. Just doing what others tell us to do has not got us very far – in fact it has got us into a great deal of trouble! If only we could learn to be what we choose to be, and then strive to become that.

No one can solve our problems in the way we can; no one can react the same way that we will, to life’s trials and tribulations so, as I said at the beginning of this post, “Why dance to someone else’s tune?”