Sometimes I may read or hear something and some passage I turn to or listen to will trigger a memory. It may be a memory of some time far back in my youth when still in Durban or, frequently nowadays, a more recent event of my life with Magucha.
These are not always sad – often quite funny memories, recalling something relating to Magucha’s quirky sense of humour. But dates of celebration – birthdays, anniversaries – always bring some poignant remembrances. And what would have been her 68th birthday is coming up soon – 9th May, also as it happens, Mother’s Day this year.
I know that Magucha was no saint but with all the energy generated in her small body she seemed to shed a kindly light, like a glow. I truly believe that most people who came in contact with her benefited in some way. She was that kind of person.
Likewise I know the old saying that "absence makes the heart grow fonder" and after over five years of Magucha’s "absence" maybe that is true - that I now gloss over her all too human frailties.
But I loved her you see and it has been said that love is blind. Maybe it is. Because I’m sure she ignored or at least learned to live with my, again, all too human frailties!
As always I turn to poetry to express what I feel. I’ve said it many times before that poets seem to find the words that pierce the heart – certainly my heart. I miss so many aspects of our 36 years together. Little things, like what she referred to as her "pata" (Portuguese for paw), her little hand in mine as we walked or resting on my knee when I was driving. Just that simple close contact. I have now lost the sounds of both her voice and her infectious laugh – they have gone. But I can still see her eyes when I look at one of the many photographs I have of her. It was her eyes that attracted me when I first saw her. What attracts is indescribable – it just "is".
Quite a while back I came across this poem, from an anonymous composer, and it certainly resonated with me – it seemed to be very true. At least sometimes!
I heard your voice in the wind today.
I heard your voice in the wind today
And I turned to see your face;
The warmth of the wind caressed me
As I stood silently in place.
I felt your touch in the sun today
As its warmth filled the sky;
I closed my eyes for your embrace
And my spirit soared high.
I saw your eyes in the window pane
As I watched the falling rain;
It seemed as each raindrop fell
It quietly said your name.
I held you close in my heart today
It made me feel complete;
You may have died … but you are not gone
You will always be a part of me.
As long as the sun shines….
The wind blows ….
The rain falls ….
You will live on inside of me forever
For that is all my heart knows.
Unknown
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