Quiet times

It is during times like these – frenetic and somewhat unnerving times – that I recall my youth and the support I received from my parents and other family members.

I know that I was a “war baby” – born during the Second World War, but I never experienced any of that violence, being too far removed from any front line. I was thinking about my emotional state and support. In this I believe I was very fortunate, more fortunate than many.

My parents were loving parents. They were highly intelligent, well-educated and literate people. It is from them that I learned about great literature, poetry and classical music and established a pattern of reading and listening to music that is with me still. For that I am very grateful.

They were gentle people.

This is a poem that, to me, says it all.

TWILIGHT

Twilight it is, and the far woods are dim, and the rooks

            cry and call.

Down in the valley the lamps, and the mist, and a star

            over all,

There by the rick, where they thresh, is the drone at an end,

Twilight it is, and I travel the road with my friend.

I think of the friends who are dead, who were dear long ago

            in the past,

Beautiful friends who are dead, though I know that death

            cannot last;

Friends with the beautiful eyes that the dust has defiled,

Beautiful souls who were gentle when I was a child.

                                                                                    John Masefield

Desiderata - a prose poem to touch the soul.

In today’s chaotic world there is (to me at least) a calming influence in words that touch the soul.

In 1927 the American poet, writer and attorney, Max Ehrmann (September 26, 1872 – September 9, 1945) from Terre Haute, Indiana, wrote the well known prose poem “Desiderata” (Latin for “things desired”). 

I here offer it to my one reader. Even if known, it is well worth another read:-

  

Desiderata.

“Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.”

                                                                                    Max Ehrmann (1927)

An interesting "Time Line".

I discovered this list of “Definitive moments in Science” in a book called “Why Us” by the science author James Le Fanu.

I have amended it with a couple of very important events – not recorded in the original list (amended 11/09/17).

1940 – I was born!

1945 - The atomic bomb used in anger, for the first and only time, dropped on Japan.

1946 – The electron microscope reveals the internal structure of the cell.

1947 – The invention of the transistor launches the Electronic Age.

1953 – Theory of the formation of the chemical elements of life by nuclear fusion

within stars.

1953 – The laboratory simulation of the “origin of life”.

1953 – James Watson and Francis Crick discover the “Double Helix” of DNA.

1955 – The first polio vaccine.

1957 – The (then) Soviet Union launches Sputnik and the epoch of planetary exploration.

1960 – The oral contraceptive first marketed.

1961 – The genetic code deciphered.

1965 – The theory of the “Big Bang” creation of the Universe confirmed by the discovery of cosmic microwave background radiation.

1967 – The first heart transplant.

1969 – US astronaut Neil Armstrong becomes first man on the moon.

1969 – James Lovelock proposes theory of a life-sustaining atmosphere.

1973 – The advent of genetic engineering.

1973 – First ever call on a mobile (cell) phone.

1973 - The invention of Magnetic Resonance Imaging (MRI) of the brain.

1974 – The discovery of “Lucy”, Australopithecus afarensis, dated 4 million years ago, our earliest known humanoid ancestor.

1974 – The first Grand Unified Theory of particle physics.
1977 - The first personal computer designed for the mass market.

1977 – The first complete genetic sequence of an organism.

1979 – Voyagers I and II relay data from Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus and Neptune (and they are still going – now in deep interstellar space).

1979 – The first “test tube baby”.

1980 – The asteroid impact hypothesis for the mass extinction of dinosaurs.

1984 – The discovery of  “Turkana Boy”, the first complete skeleton of Homo erectus, dated 1.5 million years ago – the precursor of us, Homo sapiens.

1984 – Confirmation of the theory of “plate tectonics” – moving “plates” forming the continents.

1987 – Formulation of the “out of Africa” hypothesis of human evolution.

1989 – Launch of the World Wide Web (the internet).

1990 – The Decade of the Brain (the “plasticity” of the brain discovered – for example).

1999 – The Hubble space telescope observes the birth of stars, for the first time, in the constellation Taurus.

2000 – The first self-balancing, transport machine – the Segway Human Transporter.

2001 – Publication of the Human Genome.

2001 – Apple’s iPod invented.

2001 – Invention of the first “bio-artificial” liver – functioning in place of a liver.

2002 – The first birth control “patch” produced.

2003 – The world’s first battery/petrol “hybrid” car produced by Toyota.

2005 – YouTube invented.

2007 – Apple’s iPhone invented.

2007 – The first “fast radio burst” from interstellar space identified.

2010 – The Neanderthal Genome project completed showing interbreeding with ancient humans.

2015 – Traces of liquid water discovered on Mars.

2016 – Gravitational waves discovered for the first time from a “black hole “ merger”.

2017 – The first Earth-like planet which may have liquid water on its surface, located “just” 21 light                                                                                                                                                                          years away.

Pretty impressive, Huh! All since I was born!! Mmmm.

In the “small hours”.

It is in the “small hours” of the night, if I’m awake, and when my emotional reserves are low and my mind wanders, that I sometimes have half real dreams or imaginings. These are sometimes quite haunting. It is during these “small hours” that I often recall the fact that there is an emptiness in the bed beside me which then opens a window into a host of memories.

It in times such as these (and not only in the “small hours”) that I  - in fact all of us - need some inspiration to lift us out of the hole we may find ourselves in and give us hope for the future. Words of inspiration shine a light in the dark corners of our mind and dissipate the shadows and fearsome shapes our imaginings have created.

I have always found solace and inspiration in poetry – not everyone shares this of course – and is a retreat, a resource I frequent. Now the poem, “Ulysses” by Alfred, Lord Tennyson, is such a one. It can be relied on to provide words of good cheer and inspiration when there is a general lack of “harmony” in my life. The words of the poem are a paean of praise to the indomitable human spirit; of the beauty of love for one’s fellow beings and the knowledge that we can always aspire to, and achieve, greater and grander things. They remind us that we humans are better than we could ever have imagined, and that we are all free to seek for, and to arrive at that moment in our lives when peace, harmony and contentment fill our hearts.

In this case the poem’s last six lines are the important ones:

                                                                        “.....; and tho’

                        We are not now that strength which in old days

                        Moved earth and heaven; that which we are, we are;

                        One equal temper of heroic hearts,

                        Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will

                        To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.

 “... but strong in will to seek, to strive, to find, and not to yield.” – powerful words.

The Romans called him Ulysses, but he was a Greek, called Odysseus. He was immortalised in Homer’s chronicles, the “Iliad” and the “Odyssey”, about the siege of Troy and his epic journey home to his long suffering but faithful wife, after a twenty year absence.

In the context of the poem, Ulysses/Odysseus is now an old man. But he is still fired by the thought of greater things to do and greater feats of endurance.

Ulysses/Odysseus was not only a brave and fearless fighter, but also a brilliant tactician – it was he who devised the famous Trojan Horse that was used by the Greeks to finally overcome the defenders of Troy, some thirty one centuries ago.

In many ways this poem – especially the last line, always reminds me of Magucha. All her life she strove; she sought; and (I hope) she found – but she never yielded. She never gave up. In this she was indomitable.

While never trying to make her out to be something she wasn’t – she was very much a fallible human being - there were aspects of her personality that I really admired and respected.

I loved her just as she was – deeply loved her.

A very personal view of Life

To write from the heart; to write what I really feel is sometimes difficult. It is so personal, so private that I hesitate to put “pen to paper” as the saying goes.

For instance I don’t know where I came from – I mean did I exist, somewhere, before I was born? Will I exist, somewhere, when I die? Is there a great “collective unconscious” – some inexhaustible well of “Life”, or energy, that is drawn upon with a birth and replenished with a death?

Is this what God is?

Trying to understand all this (and please don’t correct me!) I have concluded that God is not “my” God. God is not personal, has no gender and I do not think that God cares one way or another what we do or why we do what we do. We reap what we sow – that is the Law; the only Law. This Law is immutable. This Law is Universal – literally. It is the Law of God. And like any “basic” law it is very simple. This is our “lesson” to learn in life. This great “collective unconscious” grows as we grow in understanding. This is why we were born.

This brings me, by a rather circuitous route, to grief. Grief (in my experience) is the searing, tearing, hopeless dawning knowledge that what was will no longer be. It is almost – and this may seem very unfair – that the greater the love, the greater the grief. But this is the way the “Law” is expressed – what I sow I reap. And love is a necessary, a vital part of Life. All life forms need love (nurture) and express it according to their kind and is why there is “Life” (or so I believe).

Together we were strong, Magucha and I – each supported and nurtured the other and the bond was a loving bond.

This, however, is only about my feelings, my love. What about, in my case, what about my wife Magucha? What about her love for me and her children and grandchildren? At the moment of death did she grieve that she would no longer have me at her side or see her children, her "babies" again?

All I can remember is that she turned her head – slightly away from me – and then 'ceased to live'. But what did that mean? Was she turning towards something; turning towards something she saw or sensed? Or was it as I suspect, that she turned away so that I would not see her deep (if unconscious) relief that she was now released from the bonds of life and (possibly) a recognition that her love would now return to that from whence it first drew life – and therefore help replenish it. Replenish it with her knowledge, her wisdom, her emotional strength, her insight and her love that had been gained through the harsh furnace of pain and illness that she had endured and overcome.

I rebel against and cannot contemplate the concept that at the moment of death a person is “purified” and will lead an “unblemished” life in paradise. That does not fit with the Law! When we die we take with us our whole baggage train of deeds – good, bad and indifferent. It cannot be any other way – the Law states that we reap what we sow.

All this of course begs the question of whether there is “life after death” or whether “the old soul takes the road again” and is reborn. I don't know!

It comforts me, however, to believe that Magucha’s indomitable spirit has made us all stronger because it has rejoined, has replenished, the great “collective unconscious” from whence all life is derived.

Farewell my love! Fare thee well. ’Till we meet again. Saudades.

I’ve edited this post by changing the poem:-

Emily Dickinson wrote this (with her unique punctuation) –

The Heart asks Pleasure – first

And then – Excuse from Pain –

And then – those little Anodynes

That deaden suffering –

And then – to go to sleep –

And then – if it should be

The will of its Inquisitor

The privilege to die -