Mother's Day

I know that I was very fortunate. I had parents who were gentle and kind – both highly intelligent, well educated people.

But I suppose I was a bit of a “Mummy’s boy” as I adored my mother! I know that she had a very difficult time with the birth of my late brother Bruce and she lost a baby boy, Adrian, between Bruce and myself. So I suppose there was some anxiety when I came along – a hulking 4kg (9 1/2LB) baby.

But this is not about me but my thoughts on mothers generally. To me mothers are special and I really believe a jump or two ahead of us men. Physically smaller, nor as physically strong as men, generally they are emotionally way ahead of us males. 

Think about it - life is conceived in a woman’s womb where it is nurtured until birth. That must be very difficult, I would think, while still carrying on with daily life. And a baby, once born, is so helpless.

So, I owe my mother a great deal. More than I can ever repay. She gave me unconditional love and an a deep appreciation of literature, music and poetry that have been my standby during my times of tribulation. And I trust that in my life so far, I have tried to treat women, all women, with the respect I believe they deserve.

Not being able to find a poem that would be appropriate, instead I will use a short piece by Max Ehrmann (1872-1945):-

Love some one.

"Love someone – in God’s name love someone - for this is the bread of the inner life, without which a part of you will starve and die; and though you feel you must be stern, even hard, in your life of affairs, make for yourself at least a little corner, somewhere in the great world, where you may unbosom and be kind."

And may this always refer to a man’s treatment of a woman and a mother – any man and any woman or mother – anywhere. 

Just be kind.

We are just sojourners.

As always at this time of year many memories come flooding in. And I know, all too well, that they do fade over time even as I grope for more clarity. They lose much of their urgency and potency. This is a blessing I believe, bestowed on us mortals, so that all our days are not darkened by grief and other past matters.

 

For this I am grateful. But, as always, there is a consequence. If I want to recall the sound of Magucha’s voice and her sometimes (deliberately) mangled English – what we all knew as “Magucha speak”; if I want to recall the sound of her infectious laugh; if I want to recall the feeling of her “pata” (Portuguese for “paw”) - what she called her little hand - as it sought mine while we walked side by side, or resting on my knee while driving. I can’t. Those memories are lost to me now. 

 

But then, and maybe this is a good thing, I now can’t recall the sound of her angry voice either! Magucha had a quick fire Portuguese (Latin) temperament and was not easily crossed. And she didn’t mind who knew it!!

 

Also it matters not who we are, what we do or where we live, we are all, I do believe, just sojourners in this place. Or, if you prefer, wayfarers, on our journey through life.  

 

We meet wonderful people, as sojourners or wayfarers, and maybe fall in love and marry, as I did – rather, as we did - Magucha and I. For in us all there is a hunger for love, there is also pity in love, there is a power in love but also in a strange way, a kind of fear. To love someone needs courage. What will love bring? That is the unknown and the unknowable. Life is a grand adventure for the heart (always thought of as the seat of Love and many other emotions) but the end and what that entails is the mystery. I, however, also believe that love is eternal and is beyond knowing.

 

Behind all this philosophical conjecture the perennial, perplexing, questions remain – what is it that is present when someone or something is alive but absent when that same person or something dies? And why? What is the purpose of Life? We will never know of course, as it is beyond our understanding but, and I repeat but, I cannot believe that Life (however defined) appeared, ab initio, from stardust.

 

If, as is postulated, Life – or the bacteria from which Life, as we know it, is believed to have evolved – was deposited, carried by stardust, on the newly formed planet Earth over 3 billion years ago, the question remains, where did THAT bacteria come from?

 

I think I have always been an optimistic person and never been cast down for too long. Always have I tried to greet what Life has dealt me with a “what now?” rather that a  “why me?” It seems to work. For me at least. But sometimes it is hard. 

 

I have dreams and I can dream, can’t I, that in the “undiscovered country” to which we will all eventually travel, I will, again, see those whom I have loved? 

 

So, as always, it is poetry that I turn to for solace or, maybe, a better way to express the way I feel. Therefore, with no excuse or apology I offer the following by Max Ehrmann.  He, I do believe, must have experienced deep grief to write something as poignant as this:-

The Dead Wife

 

O thou whose lips I’ve pressed in hush of night,

Whose tiny hand has trembled in my own

Beneath the talking boughs the wind has blown,

Hid snuggly from the evening’s starry light –

O thou, my all, why hast thou quit my sight?

Thy straggling curls will no more touch my cheek,

Thy voice and smile are gone where’er I seek

With my watchful eyes and my strong passion’s might.

If all my soul’s deep grief thou now dost see,

If thou dost know the lonely inward tears

My heart hath shed along the saddened years,

Break through thy silent doors to life and me,

Who hourly watch and wait with trembling fears,

Lest in the realm of death I know not thee.

Desiderata - a prose poem to touch the soul.

In today’s chaotic world there is (to me at least) a calming influence in words that touch the soul.

In 1927 the American poet, writer and attorney, Max Ehrmann (September 26, 1872 – September 9, 1945) from Terre Haute, Indiana, wrote the well known prose poem “Desiderata” (Latin for “things desired”). 

I here offer it to my one reader. Even if known, it is well worth another read:-

  

Desiderata.

“Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.”

                                                                                    Max Ehrmann (1927)

Never touch save out of love.

In today's world with many people, who should know better, being accused of domestic violence and inappropriate sexual behavior it maybe worthwhile to take some time and read what follows:-

Some of my readers may know that I find solace in poetry. Some time ago I “discovered” the American poet Max Ehrmann. He wrote with great depth, pathos and understanding of the human condition.

For instance, take the lines of the title of this post – from a poem called “Her Acceptance” – the last two lines are:

“Still let us both be owners of ourselves,

And never touch save out of love. – Kiss me.”

Those last words are so, so important – “never touch save out of love”. Here a woman accepts a proposal of marriage from a man – but she comes with nothing. No inheritance; nothing except her love (these line were written I think in the early 1900s). And she warns him that there has to be more that attracts him than her youth, which will fade with the years and she reminds him that with young children she will be a burden on him. Seeing him work long hours in sad drudgery will “pierce me to the soul”, and that she will suffer with him because she knows that she “Shall be a weight upon his back”.

Even with all this she understands that love is what will hold them together and advocates that they “never touch save out of love”.

These are wonderful words with a sentiment that, while many adhere to, quite a few, unfortunately and tragically, do not.

.

America

Below is copied, from a book of Max Ehrmann’s poems, a piece called “America” that I believe should resonate with the many wonderful people in the USA. But remember that this was written early last century – I believe sometime before 1910. But what has changed?

America

Lincoln, rise up from out thy tomb today,

Thou lover of the lives of common men,

America has work for thee again.

Here women want in sight of wealth’s display,

Man grinds his brother down and holds sway

As in the times of bloody lash and den,

Save now the flesh is white, not black as then.

In toiling holes young girls grow old, decay.

Though thou art dead, could but thy soul return

In one who loved his fellow-men as thou;

Instead of greed that we might justice learn,

Love character in place of gold as now,

Write far across our native land’s sweet soil,

“Here none shall live upon another’s toil!”

Love

This word – love – is used nowadays somewhat indiscriminately to express general pleasure (I “loved” the movie); to express a desire (I’d “love” a cup of coffee); to also indicate sexual pleasure (they made “love”); to indicate a favourite (I  just “love” that painting) and there are many other associations with the word “love” that are in my Thesaurus.

Possibly we lack the vocabulary to express exactly what we mean.

To me, however, the word means a great deal more than a quick throw away expression. To me the word “love” has a deeper meaning that encompasses companionship, trust, empathy, compassion, kindness, understanding, justice, mutual respect and an instinctive “knowledge” that humanity is part of something that is, possibly, beyond our powers of understanding. Something wonderful.

We are, and all living things, are linked, and no matter anyone’s religious ideology or beliefs, we are all linked in many unexpected ways. As an example we humans share half our genes with the banana. And of course it is well known that we share about 98% of our genes with chimpanzees.

Now I am not asking anyone to “love” a chimpanzee but in a deeper more Platonic way we should love all things. This was wonderfully, if poetically, expressed in Samuel Taylor Coleridge’s poem, “Rime of the Ancient Mariner”, wherein he wrote the famous lines:

            “He prayeth well, who loveth well

            Both man and bird and beast.

            He prayeth best, who loveth best

            All things both great and small;

            For the dear God who loveth us,

            He made and loveth all.”

To me this is what the word Love means – something that is both personal and yet all encompassing. It was my privilege and my joy to have loved a woman and to have been loved by her for over thirty-six years. This will be with me always.

23/08/2016. I'm adding a short piece by the American - Max Ehrmann. A piece called "Love some one", which is very appropriate:-

"Love some one - in God's name love some one - for this is the bread of the inner life, without which a part of you will starve and die; and though you feel you must be stern, even hard, in your life of affairs, make for yourself at least a little corner, somewhere in the great world, where you may unbosom and be kind."