Monday, August 25, 2008

Are your relationships OK?

Relationships are funny things. We can think that everything is OK in our relationship with our spouse, partner, children, work mates, friends or whoever. But is it really so?

We must be fair in our relationships – treat others as you would like to be treated – is the best way. This really means good communications. Tell people how you feel; if you are upset; if you are angry; if you are disappointed with something they have done. But you have to expect to get similar treatment! To have others telling you how they feel!

The other day a lady came to see me. She was in a bit of a panic. Some days earlier she had been at the breakfast table with her husband of many years. He had recently retired, she had just seen the last of their children leave home, so they were in an ‘empty nest’ situation. She had spent the best part of the last twenty five years looking after the children, while her husband had been working. The situation was that as she was eating her breakfast she looked at her husband (who was reading the paper) and thought, “I know your name but I don’t know you! I don’t know your favourite colour. I don’t know your real likes and dislikes. I don’t know what moves you, what makes you happy, what makes you sad. I just don’t know you!” For years they had been dealing with each other in a superficial way. No REAL discussions on their thoughts, or views, or how they felt on anything meaningful. They had not communed (ie communicated) for years!! It was actually quite sad.

Now that they only had themselves to deal with she got scared. How was she going to handle this? Now that he was, as it were, divorced from the self worth of his job, and she from the daily care of the children, she realised they had nothing in common. Their relationship was in need of some radical treatment.
Are you like that?

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