Why do we hate and destroy?

It is a human defence mechanism to hide from or avoid certain things and events. All of us use diversionary tactics that we have developed to distract us from emotional pain and anguish.

All of us human beings have the capacity to hate - it is part of the human condition and is a function of pride. We can hold ourselves together when we feel completely powerless and helpless, only by hating the people we believe to be responsible for our desperate state. In this way many of those people, dispossessed and powerless, for instance, in major cities, come to hate the police or those living in parts of the Middle East have come to hate the USA and Israel. Similarly some children have come to hate their parents. The first kind of hatred, (by the dispossessed in cities and those in the Middle East) however, may be expressed by forming gangs or groups, attacking those they hate, and feeling virtuous for so doing.

An immediate way of solving this problem, not by mastering internally, but by running away from it, is to flee into activities outside ourselves in the external world. However when we do this we prevent ourselves from developing the safeguards human being have acquired as a guard against their own destructiveness, a knowledge and acceptance of ourselves and the impetus to develop effective methods of managing our hate and destructiveness.

Without these safeguards we destroy those things which we perceive as unconnected with us and as not being human like ourselves. Thus we chop down trees, blow up mountains, pollute the seas and the atmosphere, eradicate whole species of animals, birds, fish because we do not understand that we are connected to everything on our planet, and therefore need to be careful about what and how much we destroy. They may walk and talk and live just like us, but if we do not perceive them as human like us we can bomb and maim them, exploit them, starve them and inflict hurt upon them without feeling shame or guilt. We can perceive other people as being human like us only when we can make that special leap of imagination which takes us from our own internal world into theirs.

We are all born with a capacity to hate and to destroy. We are also born with the capacity to know our internal world and to empathize with others. A child brought up to live and let live and to accept, develops all these capacities and can balance one against the other. Empathy balances the hate and keeps the destructiveness in check. We can feel immense hatred for another person and we can desire to harm him, but at the same time, instinctively, we know how it would feel to be the victim of that hatred and harm.

However the less we value and accept ourselves, the more powerless and helpless we feel, and the less we value and accept ourselves, the more likely we are to use hatred as a defence. If we do not understand that we are using hatred as a defence, and if we see such hatred as justified and virtuous, our hatred becomes boundless and such a part of us that we cannot relinquish it, no matter what peaceful compromises our enemies may offer us. Hence the continuing hatred between some Protestants and Catholics in Northern Ireland, between some Israelis and Palestinians and between some Muslims (Shia vs Sunni) and recently between some Christians and some Muslims – it becomes a matter of them and us; always with us being better and superior in every way. (From “Beyond Fear” by Dorothy Rowe)

Never forget that poverty and riches – however these are defined - are products of our thoughts.

We have to rise above our baser feelings, avoid our fear of change and avoid using diversionary tactics to escape our internal turmoil.

I will end this post with a quote from a speech by Frederick Douglass (an African American former slave, social reformer, orator and statesman) on the 24^th anniversary of emancipation, Washington, DC, 1886, which has great relevance today:- “Where justice is denied, where poverty is enforced, where ignorance prevails and where any one class is made to feel that society is in an organized conspiracy to oppress, rob and degrade them, neither persons nor property will be safe.” (From “Spirit Level” by Wilkinson and Pickett).

Gentle people

My one reader will know that I have a great liking for poetry (I like to think that I do actually have one reader who follows my mental perambulations through my writing, even though I have no idea who this long suffering person might be). I find solace and inspiration in poetry. The gentle rhythm of the metre and words I find peaceful and have a calming effect on me.

The particular poem I am writing about is just part of “Twilight” by John Masefield. Thinking of friends who have died the words of the last line of the poem are:

“Beautiful souls who were gentle when I was a child.”

It was the words “who were gentle when I was a child” that struck home to me. Now I had a wonderful childhood – with gentle people – so I have no direct experience of a childhood without gentle people but there seems to be a great deal of press coverage about people who would seem to have souls that are neither beautiful nor gentle and I wonder about the effect this has on the general public. This constant bombardment of negativity about paedophilia, child abduction, physical and sexual abuse perpetrated by people who should know better must give rise to emotions of resignation and helplessness – “there is not much I can do about it” and “if everyone is doing it why can’t I” sort of thing. Individuals who think like this have lost their moral compass and need some help and guidance

I fully appreciate that (fortunately) there is still a majority of “beautiful souls” who, in their roles as parents, as teachers, carers and mentors are doing a wonderful job with children. However, when one reads that about 1 in 4 or 5 women have suffered some sort of abuse by the time they are adults I am appalled and I am left wondering why this should be.

Alcohol and drug abuse are often raised as reasons for physical and sexual abuse but are no excuse – even when drunk one should still have a semblance of self control. I have been drunk in the past so I know - but I have no experience with drugs, never having taken any non-medicinal drugs in my life.

It is not the drugs or the alcohol that are the problem it is what caused the user (or abuser) of these substances to start using them in the first place; what emotional pain are they trying to dull; what anguish are they trying to hide; what memories are they trying to extinguish; what unbearable stress are they experiencing?

Answer these questions and half the problem will be solved.

Howling Dog

Most people will know this story – or at least some variation of it. It is a simple tale of a man who visits a friend who he finds on the back porch sitting on a chair, idling away the time by whittling on a piece of wood. He strikes up a conversation with his friend but is constantly interrupted by a dog lying next to the chair, who, every now and again whines then emits a howl. Somewhat alarmed he asks his friend if the dog shouldn’t be taken to a vet and treated for an obviously painful ailment.

The friend says, “No. He is lying on a nail but it is not hurting enough for him to get up and move. So he just lies there whining and howling.”

Now how many of us are in a situation, domestically or at work, which gives us grief in that it is emotionally draining, stressful and generally unpleasant? If this is your situation (and I believe that many people find themselves in this situation) which, to put it plainly, is not conducive to peace of mind, what are you doing about it? Are you just accepting the emotional pain without getting up and moving and just like the dog in the tale above, complaining about your situation but remaining where you are? Why? In the name of all that is wonderful, why?

In our society it is a criminal offence to physically restrain someone against their will - unless of course you are already in prison, which is a different story entirely. I am talking about voluntary situations where you made a choice which turned out to have been not very good. We all make bad decisions at times. If you made a bad choice, take a deep breath, choose again and move on with your life.

Remember, without chains, you are only held against your will if you have, (even subconsciously), given someone permission to hold you. Move on – withdraw that “permission” and live the life you choose to live. Live your life, not the life someone else want you to live.

Now choose and move on! Do something! Doing nothing isn't an option!