Currents in Life

I have been finding it difficult to write anything for some time – I have no “mojo”. But then life throws things at one which are unexpected and for which one may be totally unprepared.

It is almost as if there is an under-current which no one can see but which sweeps one hither and thither as it sees fit, I suppose. Take for instance my wife, Maria, or Magucha as she was universally known; above all she was my best friend for nearly thirty seven years. That is a big chunk of anyone’s life. Now that she is no longer here, alive and vibrant (as she was) I have to try to live – not my life with her anymore – but to live my life in a totally different manner.

This is very difficult to explain. While Magucha’s death was not a complete and absolute surprise the speed and the manner was. She had been very ill before and had not been 100% well for quite some years. Now it is almost as if she is still with me. For instance when I shop for food I seem always to look first for what I know she used to like. Sometimes I catch myself turning to ask her if she would like this or that!

To me our marriage was in truth a partnership. We were in it together, different roles, but each was half of a whole. We had our differences, of course we did, but we were still very strong together and I never thought of her as anything other than an equal partner in our marriage. She was always independent and never liked to be tied to any particular course of action – she was in every respect a free soul.

I forget the exact words but there is a saying that goes something like this:-

“If you love something let it fly free; if it returns its yours; if it doesn’t, it never was”.

This is what I tried to do with our life together and by and large I think I succeeded.

I’ll end this post with something that the American rebel and “Gonzo” journalist, Hunter S Thompson, wrote that I think applied to and gives a good insight into Magucha’s whole approach to life.

“ Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, “Wow! What a Ride!”